


Way Down We Go

by comebacknow



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: After the events of 3x01, Christopher loves his buck, Descriptions of Pain, Descriptions of fire, Flashbacks, Ill tag this better later, M/M, and so do we, descriptions if drowning, etc - Freeform, i wrote this in one sitting on the notes app in my phone don’t judge me, lots of emo, struggling to swim, subtle signs of ptsd, there’s a tsunami people idk what to tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 02:42:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20789270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comebacknow/pseuds/comebacknow
Summary: After the events of 3x01, Buck struggles to survive the tsunami and find Christopher. Throughout his journey through the tide, he recalls the moments over the last five months since he was crushed beneath the fire engine.





	Way Down We Go

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this very quickly on my phone. Please excuse errors lol
> 
> It’s also my first time writing for this show. Go easy on me.
> 
> Talk to me about your 9-1-1 theories on Twitter: @manichalseyy

Three things occur to Buck very quickly when the wave crashes down onto the pier:

  1. There is a substantial difference in mass between a twenty-eight year old man and a young boy nearly two decades younger than him. 

  1. His physics teacher was onto something when he’d explained the irresistible force paradox: being that when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object, the unstoppable force will, in fact, stop. 

  1. No matter how tightly they grip each other’s hands: neither Buck nor Christopher are immovable objects. 

  
  


And then, Buck notices pain. 

It’s not in his ankle, and it’s not in his chest as a strip of wood from the now broken pier slams into him, and it’s not in his lungs as they begin to fold under the pressure. 

The pain Buck notices first is in his wrist and the way it twists and strains in the split second it takes for the wave to rip Christopher from his grasp. 

  


—

It was the Thursday after the bomb incident when Buck was rocked back to reality by a fist banging on his door. 

He blinked ahead at the television (currently on some tennis match - which, God knows he had not been watching before - and he vaguely started to wonder how long he’d been dazed out in his own head) and then looked past the stairs toward his door. 

There were four more bangs against the door before Buck dropped his head back on the couch. “Go away.” He knew he hadn’t said it loud enough, but he couldn’t bring himself to care much either. 

Two more bangs. 

“NO.” 

There was silence. 

Buck finally lifted his head and picked up the remote. There was some announcement earlier in the week of another rerun of Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He was pretty sure it was starting up soon. 

He only made it one channel away when a small voice called out. 

“Buck!”

He didn’t move; only his gaze shifted in the direction of the door. 

“Buck!”

He furrowed his brow. “Christopher?”

“Open the door!”

A million scenarios ran through his head of why Christopher would end up at his doorstep at... whatever time it was on... whatever day it was. 

“Hang on, buddy!” He reached around the couch to his crutches, ignored the smell of his own sweat and pushed himself up from the couch. His leg twinged, but he just clenched his jaw and maneuvered his way through the apartment. “I’m coming!”

He unbolted the door, unlocked the doorknob and pulled it open to reveal young Christopher...and a fucking smirking Eddie.

At least the smirk fell almost immediately as he pulled his head back. “Jesus, Buck. Forget how to shower?” 

He gave him a tight smile that he very much hoped conveyed ‘fuck off,’ and then smiled (mostly genuinely) down at Christopher. “What’s up, buddy?”

“How are you feeling?” Christopher asked, balancing on his walkers. 

“I’m- I’m good.”

“Go ahead, Chris,” Eddie said down to him. “Give Buck his gift.”

Buck frowned at Eddie and then back down at Christopher. 

Eddie’s hand seemed to float behind his son as Christopher released one of his walkers to dig into a small pack tied around his waist. He pulled out a semi-wrinkled folded piece of paper and held it out to Buck. 

Buck looked up at Eddie with a raised brow, but Eddie just simply nodded down to it. He gently took the paper from Christopher. “What’s this?”

“I made it myself.”

From the corner of his eye, Buck could see Eddie’s smile appear. 

He opened the paper to find a tall drawn stick figure with two long lines that could have possibly been...extra limbs? Next to it was a smaller drawn stick figure with glasses, also with extra limbs. (His pride ignored the amount of time it took him to understand.) He looked up at Eddie, who looked pointedly at his crutches. 

Buck swallowed and looked back down at the card. 

“Dear Buck,

Feel better soon!

Love, Christopher”

Buck looked up at Eddie.

Eddie held his eye contact only briefly before he looked back down at his son. 

Buck cleared his throat and shifted his focus to Christopher. “Wow, Christopher, this is - this is lovely. Thank you,” he smiled, holding the card to his chest.

“We match now,” Christopher smiled. 

Something pained sharply in Buck’s chest. He could feel Eddie looking at him, but couldn’t bring himself to look up. “Yeah, Bud. Looks like we do.”

“Christopher wanted to help show you how to use your new accessories,” Eddie explained. 

Buck looked up at him finally. For a brief moment, he considered using his _ accessories _ to slam some common sense into Eddie. Clearly, he was in no mood to entertain anyone - least of all the sweetest boy he’d ever met. 

“It’s real easy,” Christopher nodded. 

Blinking a few more times at Eddie, Buck swallowed down his frustration. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, Christopher, that’d be great. I’d like that.” He tore his gaze from Eddie finally and shuffled backward to make room for them to enter. 

“Shit,” Eddie exhaled. “I left my phone in the car. Gonna grab it really quick. One sec.” He jogged off, unlocking the car on his way. 

It all happened very fast. 

Christopher’s right walker caught on the metal lip of the apartment’s entryway, his leg buckled and his body swerved forward. 

Buck shot a hand out, his own crutch banging against the floor and echoing like a gunshot. Leaning on his other crutch, he grabbed Christopher’s hand, but Christopher’s momentum had already taken over. 

He spun forward, his hand tore from Buck’s grasp and he slammed against the floor next to Buck’s crutch. 

  


—

  


Buck breaks the surface with a gasp of air that feels like a thousand needles. 

Water fills his lungs as he swings his arms backward to keep himself afloat in the roving waves. 

His eyes open in time to see a rainbow prize wheel rushing toward him in the flow of the ocean and before he knows it he’s back underwater.

It stings as much as every other part of him, but he forces his eyes open to the darkness below. There’s wood, there’s a table, there’s a woman. 

He kicks out and wraps an arm around her and pulls her up. 

He breaks the surface for a second time. 

Her hair is matted to her face, blood coating the entire left side. He kicks out and swims toward a chunk of wood next to them. The water’s motion hasn’t calmed down, but he adapts as quickly as he can: swimming with the current and trying to time the waves with the moments he ducks underwater. 

It’s a disaster. But, this is what he was made for. 

He wraps his free arm around the wood and very nearly throws the woman on top of it. He moves quickly to balance it and keep it from flipping over as another wave crests not far from them, and then his hand moves to her neck. 

Higher, no - higher, maybe a bit to the left. 

That’s where her pulse should be. And it’s missing. 

  


—

  
  


“How’s he doing?” Buck glanced at Eddie briefly before looking back at Christopher, who was sitting at a picnic table picking at the food Maddie had brought to the park. 

Eddie kept his gaze on Christopher and shrugged. “As good as he can be.”

Buck nodded. He scanned Eddie’s face and then dropped his gaze to his hands where they rested between his knees. “And you?” He shifted his gaze up just slightly, enough to catch the way Eddie stared at Christopher, but didn’t really seem to see him as he considered his answer. 

Eddie’s gaze dropped to the grass ahead of them. 

Buck took in a deep breath and exhaled as he spoke. “Listen, I don’t know exactly what you’re go-“

“No, you don’t.”

Buck looked at Eddie in silence, mouth still open from the interruption, but Eddie didn’t continue. Just kept his stare on the grass. The only movement he made was his throat shifting as he swallowed. 

So, Buck continued. “But I’m here for you if you need to talk. Or anything. Christopher, too.”

Eddie didn’t say anything for a while. 

Time passed as Maddie sat at the picnic bench with Christopher, eating and talking with him in soft smiles too quiet for Buck to make out. 

He didn’t say a word in the shifting sunlight. And neither did Eddie. 

When Christopher was done eating and he was yawning behind a hand as Maddie wrangled up the wire of the portable tablet charger, Eddie stood. 

Buck snapped his head up at him and then followed his lead. He made to walk forward until Eddie’s hand gripped his wrist to hold him back. 

“Thank you,” Eddie said, simply. 

Buck only nodded. 

“I’m not… I’m not the best person to deal with when it comes to grief. You’d think after years of dealing with it and living through it, it’d be enough practice but…” his words trailed and his gaze dropped to the grass as if he was hoping to find the rest of them there. 

“...it never is,” Buck finished for him. 

Eddie looked up and met his gaze. It didn’t occur to Buck that it was the first time Eddie had looked at him since Shannon died. 

  


—

  


The water is deeper in the direction Buck is being pushed toward, which tells him the current is carrying him back out. 

If it’s carrying him, it’s carrying Christopher - and it’s carrying him a lot further and faster than it's carrying Buck. 

He starts kicking out to swim with the current, move faster, ducking beneath the surface once in a while to check around him. 

There are people everywhere. They're all flailing, swimming in panic and when he breaks the surface - it’s the same chaos. 

Even if his throat wasn’t coated in sea salt, it’d be useless to call out for him. 

But he listens. He listens for a voice he knows. 

  


—

  


“Alright, do you like salt or sugar on your popcorn?”

Christopher turned from his seat on the couch to look over at Buck. 

Buck tilted the salt shaker and the sugar bowl just slightly for effect. 

“Sugar?” Christopher laughed. 

“Yeah! It’s the best.”

“I’ve never had popcorn with sugar.”

“You haven’t?” Buck dropped his hands at his sides. “What kind of prison is your dad running?”

This pulled a loud laugh from Christopher, which sent a spark through Buck that ended in his own smile. “I’m gonna show you what popcorn _ should _ taste like.” He turned back to the kitchen and started walking, bearing his weight heavily on his good leg. “Do you like chocolate syrup?”

“Yes!”

“‘atta boy,” he said softly as he sprinkled sugar on top of the bowl of popcorn, shaking the bowl to mix it up. Christopher was silent as Buck stuck his head in the fridge. He knew he had chocolate syrup somewhere in here. Maddie had spent an evening here just a few nights ago insisting to pull Buck out of his “funk” (he wasn’t in a funk, people just wouldn’t leave him alone, for fuck’s sake..) by making ice cream sundaes. 

He was just about to give up and try maple syrup when he finally spotted it on the bottom shelf of the door. 

“Buck?”

“Yeah, Christopher! One sec! Just adding the chocolate.” He swung the door shut and hobbled back to the counter. 

“Buck, it’s dad!”

Buck tilted his head a bit to the side to peer into the living room as he swirled syrup around. He capped the bottle and picked up the popcorn. “What’s dad? Did he call?”

“Buck!” Christopher looked at him and then pointed to the television. 

Buck pushed off of his good foot, ignored the twinge of pain in his left ankle and looked over at the TV. 

Where, previously, Lilo had been going off about the hypocrisy of feeding a fish a tuna fish sandwich, the screen was now taken over by a giant “BREAKING NEWS” sprawled across the bottom and a blonde reporter on the screen with flashing lights and melting orange glows behind her. 

“What, um…” Buck tried to shake the confusion from his head and started over. “What do you mean, Christopher?”

“Look!” 

As he said it, the frame switched to a bird’s eye view of a blazing fire from an apartment, smoke billowing up and embers sparking out from a fallen telephone pole that seemed to be embedded in the side of it. 

“Christopher, buddy, that could be any unit.”

“They _ said _ one-eighteen and daddy always tells me that’s his number.”

Buck looked at him, heart racing in his chest. “Are you sure they said that number?”

“Yes.”

Buck turned back to the television and swallowed. “Uh, Christopher why don’t we - why don’t we switch back to Lilo and Stitch, yeah? I think - I think this is just old footage. I was...I was there at that-“ his words cut off as his heart halted. 

Something exploded inside of the building and a firefighter dropped from the window. When he hit the ground, a crashing sound echoed through the apartment and sharp, shattered glass cut into Buck’s legs. 

“Buck!”

Buck scrambled to the table and grabbed the remote to turn the television off. He turned and looked at Christopher who just gaped up at him. 

His heart started again, hammering inside of his chest - each beat a different person’s name of who it could be. 

_ Bobby _. 

_ Chim _. 

_ Hen _. 

His heart stuttered. 

“I’m - I’m sorry. I’m gonna get a broom and clean this up,” he forced out through a painful smile and pointed to the scattered popcorn and glass. “And I’ll make some more and we can finish the movie. Okay?”

Christopher just nodded. 

“Okay,” Buck exhaled. “Just - just stay on the couch, okay? There’s glass everywhere.”

He took a breath and forced himself to turn and move to the kitchen. 

“Buck?” Christopher asked softly. 

Buck froze. 

“Is dad alright?”

His heart continued its pounding against his chest. 

_ Eddie. _

_ Eddie. _

_ Eddie. _

“Buck?”

  


—

  


“Buck!”

Buck whips his head around quickly. A beach chair is soaring his way on a small receding wave and he ducks below it just in time. 

He breaks the surface and shakes the water from his eyes. 

“Buck!”

“Christopher?” The name tears itself from his throat. “Christopher!”

His eyes are moving too fast for his brain to comprehend what he’s seeing, but he knows what he doesn’t see. 

But - he also knows what he hears. 

“-uck!”

There’s a gargle of water that precedes it and suddenly he’s moving. His arms push water out of his way and he’s swimming back against the current, beating against his chest, his face, down his throat. He dives back below and rips his eyes open again the salt. 

He rolls his body left as an umbrella comes toward him below the surface like a javelin. 

And then his eyes catch. There are still a few baseposts of the boardwalk that have held, even if the wave broke them in half. And there, clinging to one on the far right, is Christopher - arms barely making it around the beam and eyes shut tight against the spray of water that continues its chaos around him. 

“Christopher!” Buck dives below the surface again and kicks behind him to swim. His skin is on fire with bits of wood that cut him like small knives as they soar past him, but he keeps moving. His muscles fight the resistance and he wonders vaguely at the irony of them being able to burn below cold water. 

And then there’s a shockwave of pain that has nothing to do with his muscles and everything to do with the plank of wood that has just slammed itself into his hip and sent him spiraling. 

  


—

  
  


“You know reporters, they always get that sort of shit wrong.” 

Buck glared up at Eddie, but just continued to ice his own hip. 

“One-eighteen, one-eighty, two-eighteen. Could’ve been anyone,” Eddie shrugged. “Not us though.”

“Yeah, I should’ve known you wouldn’t be the type to jump out of a window.”

Eddie gave him a flat look. 

“And what?” Buck asked as he tossed the ice pack onto the table. “You couldn’t answer your phone?”

“Just because I wasn’t there didn’t mean I wasn’t on a call. What’s your excuse for making me wait outside your door for the better part of an hour?”

Buck’s mouth quirked up and he shrugged. “Fell asleep.”

“While watching my son,” Eddie finished for him. 

Buck looked over his shoulder and into the living room where Christopher was snoozing on the couch they’d previously been sharing. He turned back to Eddie and shrugged. “You said not to leave him alone. So I went with him to Dreamland.”

Eddie snorted and folded his arms. “Right. And what did this ‘Dreamland’ entail exactly?”

Buck’s brain flashed memories of an explosion, of a firetruck falling over. There was a flashed vision of a firefighter caught beneath it and Buck running toward him. 

_ “Can you hear me?” he’d yelled in the dream as he tilted Eddie’s head to look up at him. _

“It entailed me walking to my front door without slamming my hip into the counter,” Buck quipped. 

Eddie’s smirk faded. There was a beat of silence before he nodded at him and walked around the kitchen island. “Let me see it.”

“It’s fine.”

“Come on.”

“It’s fine, Eddie.”

Eddie gave him a look of warning. “Wanna stop acting like a hero for three minutes?”

“Could ask you the same thing,” Buck tilted his head. 

There was a silent staring match before Buck finally rolled his eyes and stood from the barstool at the island. He stared at the wall, made a show of his dramatic sigh and lifted his shirt just slightly. 

“Jesus, Buck,” Eddie breathed. “What - did you try running _ through _ the damn thing?”

Buck flipped him off with his free hand. He didn’t need to expel the details. He didn’t need to tell Eddie how he’d spent the evening with his heart pounding in his chest, phone in his palm and arm around Christopher. He didn’t need to tell him how he forced a smile all night while his brain displayed images of Eddie broken on the floor of a city street, burns making him barely recognizable. He didn’t need to tell him about how, when he did finally fall asleep, his dreams were haunted. He didn’t need to go into detail about how when he finally woke up to his phone ringing an unknown number, his heart dropped to his stomach as he answered quietly with a shaking hand, careful not to wake Christopher sleeping against his side. 

And he definitely didn’t need to tell him about the minute it was Eddie’s voice he heard through the phone. The way relief suddenly rushed back to him, his heart remembered how to beat and his lungs remembered how to expand. The way he had hung up the phone and gently laid Christopher down and then moved the fastest he had in weeks since the accident. 

He didn’t need to tell anyone about the way he slammed his hip into the corner of the island and bit down on his lip to keep from screaming out profanities that Christopher definitely didn’t need to hear. 

There was a sudden pressure against his hip and he sucked a breath in through his teeth and stepped back from Eddie. “The fuck was that?”

“Would you relax? The way you’ve bruised up, it looks like you might be bleeding internally.”

“Oh well, that’d be something new.” Buck rolled his eyes. “At this point my body probably just does it for fun.”

Eddie seemed unimpressed by his humor. “Up.”

“What?” 

“Get up here,” he pointed to the island. 

“You...you want me to sit up on my counter?” 

“Preferably you’d lie down as it’d be easier to look.”

Buck lowered an eyebrow at him. “Are you serious?”

Eddie stared at him for a moment and then shrugged. “Fine. Bleed to death. Can I at least take my kid out of here first?”

“Asshole,” Buck laughed. 

“Up,” Eddie repeated, but it was accompanied by a smile this time. 

Buck gave him an annoyed glare, but a few minutes later he found himself leaning back on his elbows (“I’m not lying down like some coma patient, Ed.” “Don't call me Ed, _ Evan _.” “Eduardo?” “Asshole. Elbows, then.”) on the island. 

“Alright,” Eddie finally said after prodding him and repeatedly asking if it hurt. (“You’re pressing on a bruise, do you expect me to say no?” “I expect you to say no unless it’s an eleven on a scale of one to ten.” “Are you always this nice to your patients? No wonder they all adore you.” “Don’t care about adoration. It’s more fun when they’re sarcastic pricks.”) “I think you’re alright.”

“Is that the official diagnosis?” Buck snorted. “‘Alright?’”

Eddie looked up at him and ran his tongue along his teeth. “Yeah, _ alright _. I’d say you could work on your pull-ups a bit more and your abdominals need a bit more attention. Seems you’ve gotten lazy on leg day, but - yeah. You’re alright.”

Buck bit down on his smile, but he could feel it break through anyway. He pushed off the counter and sat up fully, legs dangling. He looked down at Eddie. “You know, you’re lucky I’m injured. I’d have no problem taking you on and showing you what kind of muscles I have.”

Something danced in Eddie’s eyes. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and measured. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

A jolt of heat shocked through Buck’s chest and through his nerves. It fizzled and sparked inside of him as he held Eddie’s gaze and ran his words through his head again. 

“Dad?”

Eddie stepped back immediately and turned to the living room. “Hey buddy, you’re awake.”

“You’re okay,” Christopher smiled. 

“Of course I am.” Eddie glanced once back at Buck and then clapped his hand on his knee as he walked off to the living room. 

Buck forced air through his lungs and he focused as the ambient sound came back to his ears. 

  


—

  


The stars behind his eyelids fade and the rushing waves crash through his ears. He pushes himself above water and gasps for breath again. 

His hip burns somewhere below the surface, but he focuses on the wooden beam ahead of him. 

“Buck! Help!”

“I’m coming, buddy,” he forces out as he moves closer. 

A hand claws at his shoulder suddenly and he’s under water. He pushes back up as the hand continues to grasp at him and he turns, sputtering water from his mouth as someone tries latching onto him. He sees a flash of the person screaming before he’s pushed below the surface again. 

He finally wraps an arm around them and pushes up to bring himself above water and lift them out with him. “Stop! Stop! Stop!” he yells over their cries of help. “I’ve got you! I’ve got you! Just stop flailing!” He turns in time to push up over another small wave that rolls toward them. His eyes search the water around him as he hears Christopher call his name again. There are screams everywhere, the waves still sound like thunderstorms, but all he hears is Christopher. “I’m workin’ on it, buddy, don’t worry,” he exhales as his eyes search the water. 

He spots a long slab of wood and swims for it, pulling the person behind him. “I need you to kick with me!” he calls back to him. “Come on, swim!” They finally make it over and he pushes the mAn up to the wood. He looks directly at him. “Hold onto this. Do not let go. Do you hear me? You hold onto this piece of wood as long as you can. It’ll make it easier for them to find you.”

“I need to get to the shore,” the man cries out. “My wife!”

“Sir, all you can do right now is hold onto this, okay? And hopefully she’s somewhere holding on, too.”

The man nods through his tears and pulls himself up a bit more on the wood. 

Buck exhales and turns back to Christopher, who suddenly seems lower in the water now. 

“Shit.” He pushes off of the wood and dives beneath the surface again. He kicks out repeatedly, focus set solely on the wooden beam with small swaying legs. He comes up for air only once and immediately dives back down, determination taking precedence. 

He’s about twelve feet from the beam when Christopher comes fully into view below the water, falling low and away from the beam. 

Buck barely resists the urge to scream out underwater, conserving all of his oxygen for what’s to come. He pushes out as he watches Christopher’s mouth open in a garbled scream, bubbles of oxygen expelling from his body. 

His muscles scream just as silently and he’s losing breath and air in his lungs and _ fuck _ he’s not going to lose him - not like this. Not like this. 

His arms surround Christopher and they’re both going down. Buck gauges the distance to the surface, and then to the sand below. He lets the water take them down until he hits the sand. With barely any breath left in him, he uses what he has to kick off the surface and move. 

His hip burns, his legs feel like they’re shredded apart and his head is going to burst - but first, he’s going to get Christopher out of here. He’s going to get him home. 

  


—

  


“You’re really doing me a solid here, Buck,” Eddie exhaled, leaning in his doorway. 

“It’s no problem at all, seriously.”

Eddie let out another breath, but smiled. “I just - I’m still working on paying off the funeral and with all of our medical bills, the extra shifts help but I don’t know that I can pay Carla for every shift-“

“Eddie,” Buck insisted, louder. “It’s fine. Christopher and I have fun.” He turned back into his house and called out to the living room, “don’t we, Chris?”

“What?”

“Just say yes, Buck, you’re right!”

“Yes, Buck, you’re right!” he called back through a laugh. 

Buck smiled widely back at Eddie. “See?”

Eddie stared at him for a minute and then tried to move into the kitchen. “Actually maybe I should just take him to work.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Buck laughed and pressed a hand to Eddie’s chest as he stumbled backward to stop him. 

Eddie’s laugh cut short as he shot his arms out to steady him. 

“I’m fine,” Buck assured him. “Look.” He hopped lightly a few times in place. “PT’s been working wonders.”

“Alright stop,” Eddie put a hand on his shoulder to keep him from jumping again. 

“I’m fine, Eddie. I’m gonna be back to regular me in no time.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes at him but his mouth curled up. “I don’t know if that’s better or worse.”

“Worse for you when I kick your ass.”

Eddie just shook his head on a laugh. “I’ve gotta get going.”

Buck nodded and leaned on the door as Eddie stepped outside. 

“Do me a favor?” Eddie turned around with a smile. “Try not to fall asleep again? I don’t wanna have to crawl through your window again and my fist is starting to hurt from banging on your door.”

“I’ll be awake,” Buck rolled his eyes. “Go save the world.”

“Take care of mine.”

Buck held his gaze for a minute and gave him a single nod. “Always.”

  


It only felt like ten minutes later when a hand was shaking his shoulder and waking him up. 

Buck took a breath, found Christopher curled against him and then saw Eddie sitting on the coffee table in front of them. “Shit,” Buck laughed quietly. 

Eddie only gave him a knowing smile. 

“I really didn’t mean to, I swear,” Buck laughed. He started to sit up, but Eddie stopped him at his shoulder. 

“Stay. He looks peaceful.” He nodded to Christopher. 

Buck looked down at the sleeping boy and smiled. 

Eddie took his hand from Buck’s shoulder and reached into his pocket. He held up a single bronze key between them. “Didn’t plan to sleep, hm? Then how come this was taped just inside your window?”

Buck shrugged. “You said you didn’t wanna climb in the window anymore, but I knew you still would if you didn’t have a choice.”

Eddie stared at him. 

“Thought I was helping you out,” Buck laughed, and then quickly stopped as he eyed Christopher to make sure he didn’t wake him. 

Eddie snorted and shook his head. “Yeah, well, thanks. I guess. Where do you want me to put it?” He stood from the table and looked around the apartment. 

Buck looked up at him and considered his answer. He worked his jaw over some silent words before he finally said, “keep it.”

Eddie looked back down at him. 

Buck shrugged and looked back down at Christopher. “I mean, if twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern…” he looked back up at him. 

“Thought third time was supposed to be a charm.”

“We can work on that,” Buck smiled. “Night’s young and I’ve been known to be quite the charmer.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. 

“What? Is that so hard to believe?”

Eddie’s eyes narrowed just slightly, and he glanced at Christopher before looking back at Buck. “No,” he said slowly. “Strangely enough, I’ve been learning that about you.”

Buck worked on keeping his breathing steady and his heartbeat calm so he wouldn’t wake Christopher. 

Eddie pulled a set of keys from his pocket. “He seems comfortable here.”

Buck swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I think he is.” His eyes zeroed in on Eddie’s fingers as they worked to attach Buck’s spare key next to his own.

“Think you’re okay with him staying the night?” Eddie looked up from the keys at Buck. “Last time I pulled him out of here, he kept complaining that I woke him up from a good dream.”

Buck let out a small breath of a laugh. “Yeah, yeah of course. It’s no problem.”

Eddie nodded. “Alright. Thanks.” He looked back down at his keys and then up at Buck. “I’ll pick him up early tomorrow. Get him out of your hair.”

Thoughts swirled through Buck’s head as he tried to process the sentence. 

Eddie turned toward the kitchen. 

“Hey,” Buck started. 

Eddie turned back to look at him with a question in his gaze. 

“Um,” Buck glanced down at Christopher and then back up at Eddie. “Y’know, he looks peaceful here and, I’m pretty spent myself. I’m probably just gonna end up staying down here with him on the couch again.” 

Eddie held his gaze in silence. 

Buck swallowed down his next few words that threatened to spill out. Instead, he just looked up to his bed in the loft above the kitchen and then back at Eddie, hoping the offer was clear enough. 

  
  


—

  
  


When they break the surface, the first thing Buck does is squeeze Christopher as much as he can to expel any water that may have gotten trapped in his lungs. He sputters and coughs but he’s breathing - which means Buck can finally breathe again too. 

“Buck?” 

“Yeah, I’m here, buddy. I’m here.” His breaths come heavy and his muscles are aching as he continues pushing to keep them both afloat. 

“Oh good,” Christopher sighs and then coughs again. “I was scared for you.”

Buck turns his head and angles it enough to look at Chistopher. He’s got a small cut on his cheek and his shoulder, but other than that, he seems to be okay. “You were scared for me?” 

“Yeah,” he nods. 

Buck feels his chest fill with warmth as he lets out a small laugh. “No need to worry about me. I’m right here. I’m okay. I’m just gonna work to get us home okay?”

“Okay,” Christopher nods.

“I’m gonna swing you around on my back, alright? And I need you to hold on tight around my shoulders, okay? Can you do that for me?”

“Like surf lessons?”

Buck’s face breaks into another smile. “Yeah, just like surf lessons.” 

When he’s sure Christopher is ready, he maneuvers him around him, flinches only when Christopher’s sneaker scrapes against some cut he must’ve gotten on his leg, and then positions him safely on his back. “Alright?”

Christopher answers with a thumbs up.

“Okay, hold on tight, buddy. And listen to me - when I tell you to hold your breath, I want you to take a deep breath and hold it as long as you can, okay?”

Christopher gives another thumbs up, and Buck can feel him nodding against the back of his head too. 

“Okay,” Buck nods back once and gives him a thumbs up over his shoulder. “Hold on tight.”

“You got this, Buck!”

Buck let out another small laugh. “Yeah, buddy, I think I just might.”

  


\--

  


His leg bounced without any command and he vaguely wondered if it was a side effect. Maybe he wasn’t as ready as he thought.

“You know,” Eddie’s voice came from the doorway of the locker room, “if you really want, I can probably just have the committee come in here and watch your leg moving like it is and they’d probably pass you with flying colors.”

Buck let out a small laugh and shook his head. He stilled his leg, but his nerves were still ricocheting around inside. 

“You doin’ alright?”

“Oh, y’know,” Buck grit out, “just another Monday afternoon.”

Eddie shrugs. “You’re not technically wrong, even if it is still ten o’clock.”

Buck snapped his head up. “It’s only ten o’clock?”

“Relax,” Eddie held a hand up and walked into the room. “What’s going on, Buck? I’ve never seen you like this.”

Buck exhaled and rested his elbows on his knees as Eddie sat next to him on the bench. He shook his head. “I don’t know.” He took another breath and then repeated. “I don’t know. What if they don’t let me through?”

“Really?” Eddie asked, surprise in his voice. “Is Buck - _ The _ Evan Buckley - nervous for once? The same Buck that’s been itching to get back out there, even when he was still pinned beneath a truck?”

Buck looked up at him with a silent warning.

Eddie didn’t bite. “Guess you can’t do everything.”

“Can still do more than you.”

“Not so sure about that, but that’s an argument for another time. For now,” he dragged out, clapping a hand on Buck’s knee, “I want to talk about how the infamous Buck doesn’t think he can pass this.”

“Alright, first of all, stop calling me that,” Buck laughed. “Your praise is noted, trust me. I know you’re my biggest fan.”

“-second biggest-”

“_ Second _ of all,” he continued over Eddie, “it’s not that I don’t think I can do it.” He sniffed and rolled his shoulders. “I’m just worried they’ll think I can’t.”

Eddie seemed to drop his jokes in favor of sitting up a bit straighter and running a hand through his hair. “What? You think they won’t pass you because they think you’re not ready?”

Buck sighed and finally looked at Eddie. “I don’t even think Cap thinks I’m ready.”

Eddie tilted his head a bit. “Are you?”

“Truthfully?”

The only inclination Eddie gave for him to continue was a slight twitch of an eyebrow.

Buck sighed and looked out into the firehouse. “I don’t know. I mean, I feel strong, you know? Physically, I’m ready. I know I can do it, I’ve been training the last seven weeks nonstop without a single hitch. My leg feels stronger than ever, my head’s fine. I mean, I couldn’t have recovered any better than I have.”

“But?”

Buck ran his tongue along his teeth and shook his head. “But,” he began, and then paused as he considered how to pour the rest of his thoughts into a confined and structured sentence. He looked up at Eddie. “All the physical training I’ve done,” he shrugged, “I just don’t think I’ve really spent much time thinking about it.”

“Mentally preparing,” Eddie answered.

Buck dropped his gaze. “It’s not a confidence issue,” he insisted.

“When has your confidence ever been an issue?”

Buck shot his fist out to lightly punch Eddie’s leg, which earned him a soft laugh that seeped into his skin and eased the tension. “I just… I don’t know. I’m just afraid I’ll freeze up, y’know? Like I’ll be in the middle of it and just… my thoughts will get the better of me and I’ll panic and forget what I’m supposed to do.”

“Do you really think that’ll happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“Has something like that happened before in an emergency?”

Buck worked his jaw and then answered. “Once.” When Eddie didn’t respond, he cleared his throat. “I… I failed to save someone.” A memory of a roller coaster flashed through his vision. “And it took me some time to get that out of my head.”

“Makes sense,” Eddie said quietly.

“I’m sure you’ve gone through it.”

“A few times.”

Buck dropped his gaze to the floor beneath his boots.

“But, Buck, you know you haven’t lost anyone this time, right?”

Buck shifted his gaze a bit on the floor, but that’s as far as he made it.

“Everyone got out of there alive,” Eddie continued. “So saving people? That’s not your issue. That’s not something you need to worry about. You’ve saved so many people in just the year that I’ve been here.”

Buck took a deep breath and exhaled.

“You just gotta remind yourself of that.”

“Yeah. Just wish I could turn off my brain for a bit,” he laughed.

Eddie clapped a hand on his back. “You’re not alone there. I also wish your brain would shut down sometimes. Or,” Eddie tilted his head in thought, “maybe I just want it to actually turn on for once.”

“Oh real funny,” Buck laughed and shot another arm out to Eddie’s chest, but Eddie deflected and caught it. 

“Seriously, though,” Eddie nodded, laughter fading. “You’re gonna be fine.” He let go of his arm.

Buck nodded. “You’re right. Thanks, man.”

Eddie nodded and then stood. “Lunch? I think Chim tried toasting something,” he squinted up at the ceiling as if he could see the disaster happening on the second floor kitchen.

“Uh, you go ahead,” Buck laughed. “I’m just gonna chill here a few more minutes. I’ll be up in a bit.”

“Sure. Oh! One more thing.”

Buck sat up a bit straighter and raised an eyebrow in question as Eddie reached into his pocket. Eddie held his hand out. 

Buck stood and let Eddie out something into his own hand. 

“It’s for good luck.”

Buck opened his palm to find a rock painted green with a black sharpied outline of a four-leaf clover. He smiled down at it and then looked up at Eddie.

“It’s from Christopher.”

“Yea- I .. I gathered that,” he smiled.

Eddie’s smile remained after his laugh for a moment and then he spoke. “Mine didn’t come out nearly as good.”

Buck narrowed his eyes just slightly as he continued to smile at Eddie. The tension in his chest had all but disappeared; it was now just a quiet humming through his bones.

“You got this, Buck.”

  
  


\--

  
  


His hand scrapes against the soaked wood of another broken pillar. He drifts back from it and kicks out again. 

The current has definitely calmed down, but it’s still heavy enough to push people plenty off of their course, and Buck feels almost no different from the lady who had been pushed away from a wooden beam and sent out another thirty feet, tumbling with the waves. _ Almost _ no different. He reaches his arm out and swats a sneaker that comes tumbling toward them and then kicks out again toward the pillar.

This time he makes it. He wraps his arms around it and holds tight, breathing heavily as he takes the small reprieve to catch his breath.

“Are you doing okay, Buck?”

Buck leans his head to the side to crane his neck enough to see a bit of Christopher. “Yeah buddy,” he exhales. “Doin’ great.”

“Good. Because we’re almost there.” Christopher extends an arm out to point.

Buck follows his line toward the shore which is still nearly two miles out. But closer, he realizes, on the half of the pier that is still standing, there are people reaching down to help as water pours from the sides of it back into the sea. 

That’ll be what’s causing the constant waves then.

He doesn’t focus on the way the ocean is now only about four feet below the pier instead of twenty.

Buck takes another deep breath and exhales as he tries to measure the distance to the pier. There aren’t any more pillars to hold on to. It’s just going to be free swimming, but with a solution in sight, Buck starts to let himself feel a little lucky.

“You ready to do this, Christopher?”

“Ready when you are!” He holds up another thumbs up to punctuate this.

Buck smiles, nods and then presses his boots to the side of the pillar. “I’m gonna need you to hold that breath again okay? Big deep breath for me when I say so.”

“Okay.”

Buck steadies himself and watches another small wave move toward them. It rolls closer and he starts counting down. “Three, two…” 

The wave is inches from him when he yells “now” and when he kicks off the pillar, he hears Christopher suck in a deep gasp of air. He dives over the small wave and plunges them both down into the water, kicking madly behind him and pushing out with his arms.

Christopher is hardly any weight and Buck doesn’t let himself even consider that it’s taking him longer because he has him attached to him. He just works twice as hard.

When they come up for air (a choice made when Christopher tapped his chest like they’d discussed), Buck opens his eyes to see another beach chair coming at them full speed. He rolls backward and to the side, plunging Christopher back into the water, but the chair goes by them and they’re left unscathed - save for a few coughs and sputters from Christopher. 

“You didn’t tell me to hold my breath!”

“Sorry, buddy! My fault,” Buck calls back as he continues swimming above water for a few minutes. “I’ll make sure to say it next time.”

“Dad?”

“What?”

“Dad!”

Buck turns to glance at Christopher but then looks straight ahead at the broken half of the pier. 

And sure enough, there - in full gear - is Eddie, pulling a man up out of the water. 

“Alright,” Buck nods. “Alright, buddy. Ready to go home?”

He answers with a thumbs up.

“Deep breath, Christopher. Now!”

He plunges them deep into the water again and kicks off. Something nicks his face but he keeps moving to where he can see the pier from below water. He pushes up to the surface again when he feels the taps against his chest. He gulps down some air and measures the distance. He could probably reach it in one more push, but now that he’s closer, he realizes more people have noticed the pier and the help pulling them up. There are about thirty people surrounding the front of the pier and holding onto the pillars and each other to keep from getting swept back with the tide. They’ll never make it through. 

Buck swats a beach towel out of the way and tries to think. 

“Dad!”

“Christopher, he’s not gonna hear you, but I’m gonna get you to him, okay? Just save your voice for when we get closer. I’ll tell you when to start shouting up, okay?”

Thumbs up.

“Come on. Think, Buck, think,” he exhales to himself. He turns quickly and lets the current take him over for a bit.

“No! Buck, the other way!”

“I know, buddy! I know!” He grabs the towel and turns back around. He kicks out and starts moving closer to the pier. “Alright. Christopher, we’re gonna go under once more okay? I need you to hold your breath the longest you can this time, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay, one! Two! Three! Now!” 

He plunges them under water again and kicks out, the towel balled up against his chest as he tries to work his legs twice as hard. He holds the towel with one arm and uses the other to help bring them closer to the pier. 

This time, when Christopher taps his chest, he’s ready for it, and shoots them up from the water. He gasps for breath and shakes the water from his eyes. “Now, Christopher! Yell for him!”

“Dad!”

“Louder! Keep going!” 

“_ Dad! _”

As Christopher keeps yelling for Eddie, Buck lifts the towel above the water and wrings it free as much as he can. 

“_ Dad!” _

He heard Eddie’s shout a second later.

Buck snaps his head up to see Eddie standing fully now, someone running to his place to pull someone up. 

Eddie’s eyes are searching the water wildly. 

“Christopher, I need you to hold me with one arm, okay? And then take this towel and wave it with your other as much as you can.”

“Okay! _ Dad! _”

When Christopher takes the towel, Buck kicks out from the water and starts pumping his arms through the waves as much as he can to get past the pier and closer to the middle.

When he finally hears Eddie’s voice again, he chances a glance up. He allows a split second of relief to know he’s seen them, but it disappears swiftly when he realizes Eddie is trying to remove his gear.

“No! No! Eddie, no!” Buck stops swimming and waves his arm to stop him. “The middle!” his voice rips from his throat. “I need you to get him up!”

Eddie makes a face and shakes his head, confused.

“The middle!” Christopher shouts.

Eddie turns his head to look down the pier and back at Buck.

Buck waves his hand forward to signal him to move.

When Eddie starts running, Buck starts swimming. “One more time, Christopher! We’re going under!”

“Ready!”

He nods and takes a breath. “Now!”

When he comes up from the water, he gasps for air again only to get a lungful of saltwater. He tumbles backward, feels Christopher tighten his grip and then he’s under the water again. He kicks up and breaks the surface again. 

He sputters out and shakes the water from his head. “Christopher?”

Christopher is coughing behind him, but he’s there. 

Buck looked up to find Eddie crouching at the middle of the pier, just a few feet away. “Thank god,” he breathes. He looks out ahead of them.

There’s another receding wave coming toward them, and it only takes Buck half a second to make a decision. 

He races toward Eddie.

He races toward the calls of encouragement coming from Eddie and races to bring him the cries coming from Christopher. And when he finally reaches the shadows the pier casts over the sea, he looks up to see Eddie extending a hand down. 

Buck exhales. “Alright, Christopher, I need you to -” he tries to pull Christopher from his back and around to his front. “I need you to reach up to your dad, okay?”

Christopher is already reaching up when he nods at Buck.

Buck looks up to Eddie. “You ready?”

Eddie nods, and a flash of confusion passes him.

Buck folds his body until his head is just below the surface and then he propels himself up again, blindly lifting Christopher as high as he can. He feels a connection and lets go - lets himself fall back beneath the water empty handed.

He pushes back up through the surface and runs a hand down his face and blinks up to find Eddie holding Christopher tight to his chest.

He allows himself a breath of relief and smiles up at them.

Eddie’s blissed out, eyes closed against Christopher’s head. He picks his head up and opens his eyes as he visibly exhales.

And then his relief is gone. It’s flooded with fear and it’s flooded with panic.

“Buck!”

Buck tilts his head in confusion.

And then there’s nothing but darkness.

  
  


\--

  


Buck had been spending most of the day ignoring his phone, which had quickly become his favorite hobby. 

What he couldn’t ignore was people walking into the hospital room.

He even started sensing them before he saw them.

“No.”

Whoever it was cleared their throat.

Buck continued to stare at the wall. “I said no.”

“Buck.”

He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. Eddie. Which meant…

He turned his head to look up to find Eddie (yup, point for Buck) leaning in the doorway with his arms folded. Buck did his best to sit up and then ran a hand down his face. He took a breath and nodded once. He put a fake smile on his face.

Eddie blinked at Buck. “He’s not with me.”

Buck blinked at Eddie. His ‘smile’ fell into a more confused frown. “He’s not?”

“No.” Eddie dropped his gaze to the floor. “Didn’t really want him seeing you like this.”

A sting zapped through his chest.

“Just me,” Eddie said.

Buck took a breath and exhaled. “Well, if you’re here to yell at me, save your breath. I’ve already heard it all from Cap. And Maggie. And Hen - who is really scary when she’s threatening to break your legs for you, by the way.”

“Yeah, I can see that. She’s pretty scary on her non-threatening days, too.” Eddie pushed off the doorway and slowly pushed the door shut behind him.

Buck was fairly certain he knew what was coming, but it didn’t keep him from thinking of other options.

Eddie turned and leaned back against the door and just looked at him.

“What?” 

Eddie blinked at him.

Buck made a show of a dramatic sigh and readjusted his position. “I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be getting rest, so if you’re here to talk, can you say something so we can get this over with?”

“You’re not stupid, Buck,” Eddie shrugged.

Buck lowered his brow at him. “Thanks. I’m aware.”

“I mean it,” Eddie continued. “You’re not stupid. You’re annoying and bratty and sometimes I really wanna kick the shit out of you-”

“-alright, relax-”

“-but you’re not stupid. You’re calculative and you’re more clever than I’d like to admit.”

“Is there a point to this or are you just here to play passive-aggressive insult war because I’d like a minute to prepare first, if you don’t mind.”

“Buck, could you just… five minutes. I need you to listen to me for five minutes.”

“Is it gonna be five minutes of insults or…?”

“Forget it,” Eddie said, scratching his eye. He dropped his hand. “Forget it. This was probably a mistake.”

“Eddie, what?” Buck laughed. “Would you just spit it out?”

“Why did you lie about your leg?”

“What?”

“It’s not healed.”

“It… it was. Obviously. You saw it.”

“Yeah, during the drill - sure. But the pain? I asked you - I sat down with you and asked you to be honest with me and tell me if you were ready.”

“I was honest with you, Eddie. I told you I was ready.”

“Physically.”

“I was, a few muscle aches didn’t really ring an alarm for me.” 

“Didn’t it, though? You said you were nervous.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Buck, you looked at me, and said you were worried.”

Buck clenched his jaw and held Eddie’s gaze.

“You said you were worried they wouldn’t pass you. Is that why you didn’t say anything about your leg? So you’d have an excuse if they didn’t?”

Buck narrowed his eyes. “You think I hid this to save as a back pocket card?”

“Why else would you?”

“Because I didn’t want it to stop me from getting back to work.”

Eddie shifted his gaze down the hospital bed and back up.

Buck rolled his eyes. “I didn’t know this was gonna happen.”

“You know I had to go home and explain to Christopher why his favorite person was spitting up blood?”

Buck dropped his gaze.

“You know how hard that was for me to look him in the eye and tell him that I didn’t know?”

“That can’t be the first time you’ve told him you didn’t know something-”

“No. It’s not.” Eddie exhaled. “But it’s the first time I didn’t lie about not knowing. _ That _ was the hard part, Buck. Nevermind hearing him worrying, forget about him telling me he was afraid of losing you. It was not knowing whether he would or not.”

Buck pushed his tongue into his cheek.

“It was not knowing whether I would or not.”

“I wasn’t… gonna die, Eddie,” Buck attempted.

“Yeah? Were you sure of that? Sure enough that you’d tell him and risk having to later explain to him why you lied?”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t… use him against me!” Buck snapped. “Is this why you came? To tell me how much I scared him? To tell me that he spent the rest of the night worrying about me? Thanks. Mission accomplished. The door’s right behind you.”

Eddie sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to yell at you.”

“Yeah, well you’re doing a great job. What were you saying about lying?”

“Buck.”

“What?” he grit out. “I’m getting real tired of people saying my name like a threat.”

Eddie scratched his head and scrunched up his face and then exhaled as he dropped his hand. “How are you?”

“What?”

“How are you?”

Buck looked around the room like he was going to find a camera and someone would jump out and explain that this was a joke. “How...am I?”

“I haven’t asked.”

“I’m...fine, Eddie,” he gave in. “I’m fine. I’m tired and I’m annoyed and I wanna go home already. But I’m fine.”

Eddie dropped his gaze. “I didn’t come here to make you feel bad, I’m sorry. It really wasn’t my plan.”

“It’s fine, Eddie,” Buck waved it away. “I’ve gotten it from everyone. Not gonna say I didn’t expect it from you, too.”

Eddie flinched a bit at that.

“So?” Buck folded his hands on top of the blanket in his lap. “Enlighten me then. To what do I owe the pleasure? Or what have I done to not earn Christopher’s presence? Or is he mad at me too now? Feel free to lie to me on that last one.”

That finally pulled a bit of a laugh from Eddie.

“So he does remember how to smile.”

“On occasion.” 

“Glad I could be it.”

Eddie held his gaze. “I was worried about you.”

Buck resisted the urge to sigh again and just barely contained an eyeroll. Instead he just blinked and looked down at his hands.

“Buck, I -” Eddie cut himself off.

Buck looked up at him.

Eddie shrugged and dropped his shoulders. “I’m not ready to lose someone else.”

Something tugged at the back of Buck’s brain at the phrase, the unspoken words behind it. He pushed it back. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“Yes I can.”

“Buck, look at you. When are you gonna wake up?” Eddie laughed. 

He furrowed his brow. “What are you talking about?”

“Wake up, Buck,” Eddie shook his head.

“Wha-?”

“Wake up!” Eddie yelled at him. “Come on, Buck! Don’t do this to me.”

“Eddie, what’re you-?”

“Wake up!”

  


\--

  


There’s a wave of water that comes rushing from his lungs, salt ripping deeper cuts into the already dried tissue of his throat, and then it’s pouring from his mouth.

Buck turns over immediately onto his side and coughs down to the surface below him. He tries to gasp for air, but with every inhale, it feels like he’s just pulling more water in. It takes him a few more coughs to realize he’s no longer in the water. Instead there’s damp concrete below him and gravel his sticking to his hands.

“Buck!” 

Someone’s calling his name but the blood in his ears is rushing and - no, that’s not it. He can hear the voice in one of his ears.

“Buck!”

He’s rolled over again on to his back and someone’s fingers are pulling at his eyelids and shining a flashlight at him.

He pulls back and blinks a few times to steady his vision.

“Buck, can you hear me?”

He finally focuses on Chimney’s face. “Chim?” He thinks he says it. He can’t hear his voice and his throat burns with the question.

“It’s okay, don’t speak. We’re taking you in, come on. Up on three, ready?”

“What?” he choked out. “Up what?”

“Three!” He’s suddenly pulled up and his vision blurs again.

  


\--

  


When Buck wakes up, he’s in the hospital.

“Making a habit of this, hm?” some nurse asks him.

He takes a clear breath and exhales a smile. “I didn’t-”

“Don’t talk,” she warns him with a finger. “We’ve coated your throat and you’re on a lot of medication that is going to be canceled out if you keep trying to talk.”

Buck tries to swallow and thinks he might have swallowed barbed wire.

“Yeah, that face will be a lot worse if you keep irritating it.” She points to his bedside table and Buck sees two lidded plastic cups with straws, a vase of flowers and a small, handdrawn card. “If you absolutely need to drink something, there’s a bottle there. But you should be okay. This IV is continuing to coat your throat with salt water to heal the scars.”

He turns back to her. “Scars?”

“Boy, what did I just say?” she tilts her head at him.

He holds his hands up in surrender and apology.

She shakes her head. “You men never listen, I swear. That friend of yours in here non-stop all hours. You know I told him visiting hours? I _ gave him _a sheet with all the available hours and did he listen? No. Let me tell you - just because you flash some fancy badge at me, doesn’t mean I’m breaking my rules for you. No matter how handsome you are.”

Buck’s head explodes in an array of questions - none of which he can apparently ask. 

“Here,” she says and hands him a small dry erase board and a marker. “I’m sure you’ll have a visitor in…” she eyes the clock, “ten minutes.” With that, she turns and leaves the room. “And don’t mess with the hearing aid,” she adds. “It took me two hours to set that right for you.”

Buck frowns and lifts a hand to find a hearing aid in his left ear. He looks up at her. 

“Hand down,” she orders. “It’s set just fine.” She turns and shakes her head and murmurs a “dumbass firefighters.”

Buck scribbles on the board as he hears her laugh from the doorway and then holds it up to her. 

Except instead of her, it’s Eddie.

He immediately scrambles and pulls the board back wiping the writing from it.

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him. “Well that’s not a very nice way to greet someone.”

“It wasn’t for-” he grimaces at the knives in his throat and tries to swallow again. He sighs, defeated, and scribbles down on the whiteboard. He holds it up and gives Eddie the most annoyed face he could come up with.

Eddie’s mouth quirks as he reads the board. “Hi,” he responds.

Buck erases the two letters from his board.

“How are you?”

Buck looks up at him flatly, wonders if he should bother writing a response. It only takes him half a second to uncap the marker again. 

_ Where is Christopher? _

Eddie smiles. “He’s with Carla. He’s fine. They’re at the vending machine. I wanted to check on you first before I let him come see you. Make sure you were okay?”

_ I want 2 see him _

“Really? The T-O was one letter too many?”

Buck holds a finger up to him.

Eddie smiles. “He wrote you a card.”

Buck turns quickly and makes to grab the card but something pulls at his side and he gasps out.

“Jesus, Buck, Christ. It’s not going anywhere, yeah?” Eddie laughs as he pushes Buck back against the bed. “Here, you maniac.” He hands him the card.

“Dear Buck,

Thank you for saving my life.

I hope this card saves yours.

Love,

Christopher.”

  


Buck clenches his jaw as he rereads it twice, and then a third time. He looks up at Eddie.

“He’ll be here in a few minutes,” Eddie says softly. “Before he gets here I just wanna- no, Buck, let me just say this and then you can write whatever you have to.”

Buck shakes his head and motions for Eddie to continue.

Eddie sighs, but nods and takes a breath.

Buck continues to scrawl on the whiteboard.

“I’m never gonna be able to say thank you enough times, so I hope you just kind of understand that I owe you my life. Which, I guess might not mean much, considering the line of work we’re in when I basically offer my life up to anyone who needs it,” Eddie runs a hand through his hair. “I’m pretty awful at these kinds of things. But, Buck I just want you to know it meant everything to me that through it all you kept him safe. And, I hope that one day, I’ll be able to repay the favor.”

Buck pauses in his writing as Eddie’s words sink into him.

“It’s not only Christopher that scared me Buck. I mean, obviously he’s my everything. But… Buck when that plank hit you and you went under the water…” Eddie shakes his head. “I told you before I can’t lose another person, so I’m getting really sick of you risking your life constantly,” he laughed.

Buck smiles down at the board as he finishes his message and looks up at Eddie.

There’s a sort of fondness there that Buck is certain he’s only seen flashes of before.

“I can’t lose you, Buck.” Eddie shrugs, seems to give in to whatever he’s been holding back. “You’re kind of a part of my everything.”

Buck’s chest feels like it’s folding in on itself, but he knows it’s not. What he also knows, is his heart rate is picking up - not only because he can feel it pounding a phrase against his ribs, but also because the goddamn beeping machine next to him has no semblance of secrecy.

“Buck, you okay?”

Buck waves in the direction of the machine for Eddie to ignore it.

He points at Eddie and holds a hand to his heart. He hopes it will be enough.

“Buck!”

They both stir from the moment and look to the door where Christopher is walking in with Carla just behind him.

Buck goes to open his mouth but stops himself.

“Hey buddy,” Eddie lifts Christopher up into his arms and brings him closer to Buck. “Buck can’t talk right now because his throat is really sore, but he can listen to you okay?”

Christopher nods and looks down at Buck and Buck things his heart might break. (At least the beeping has calmed again.) He’s got new glasses - blue now - and they slide just a bit down his nose as he looks at him. 

“Thank you, Buck. I’m really glad you’re alive.”

Buck smiles up at him and feels dampness beneath his eyes. He wipes at it with the heel of his hand and sniffs and then pats the side of his bed.

Eddie gently rests Christopher on the edge of it and Buck pulls him in for a hug and it feels like relief. Christopher is here. He’s alive. He’s here.

He pulls back and picks up the card to show it to Christopher.

“You got it!” he smiles.

Buck nods and sniffs again. He holds his whiteboard up and flips it around.

Christopher looks at it and starts to read:

“Dear Christopher,

You save my life every day.

Both of you.

Love, your Buck.”

  


When he’s done reading, Christopher smiles and falls forward into another hug.

But Buck’s eyes catch on Eddie’s.

Buck just nods once to him.

Eddie lifts his hand and points to Buck. He holds a hand to his heart.

And Buck knows it’s clear enough to both of them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for making it this far. 
> 
> I love Buck.  
I love Eddie.  
I love Christopher.  
And I love you. 
> 
> Go watch 9-1-1 on fox.
> 
> You can find me on Twitter! (@manichalseyy)  
You can also find me on tumblr! (Comebacknow)  
Come say hi (:


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